“I remember things that happened during those two days with a tremble all over my body. Everything I heard, everything I saw. I was horrified. Did I really choose this person by myself? Staying alone in a locked apartment, I prayed just to survive until the arrival of vali …
”I left my husband about two months ago.
My life is divided into before and after.
My vali came for me, we left at night, the road was long. I barely restrained myself not to become hysterical. My husband didn’t give me my child.
I was scrolling through my head the events of the last two days driving in a car.
When did it become that bad?
He treated me beautifully, always supported me, helped to solve my problems, we were never bored, we had a lot of topics for conversations. I did not doubt my choice at all.
But something went wrong.
A couple of months after nikah he converted to Islam and everything began.
I heard my first “talak” the day I was leaving the hospital after I gave birth. Some time we lived apart, then came together again because of the child.
I converted to Islam hoping we were going to live “like a normal family because in Muslim families there is no such strife” – that`s what I thought.
Next “talak” being in Islam I heard when fasting during Ramadan. The reason was I didn’t talk to our child in our native language. As a result – “husband disobedience” and “divorce”.
I came back to my parents’ home. Soon he sent me the answer of some sheikh that one of our divorces is not valid and that we can get back together. Did I come back? Of course, I did. I didn’t want my child to grow up without a father. What is more, he brought his apologies, sent flowers after every divorce, I believed “it will be better this time”.
I cannot say we lived bad all the time. There were happy moments. But mostly as an exception than a rule.
This time I had the courage to leave completely. And the biggest test of my faith has begun.
He threatened me by damaging my property, threatened my life (only in words, praise be to the Almighty), insulted my family, didn’t give me my child, registered his company on me and refused to take me out of it, so that his debts could pass to me, didn’t give me my clothes and other properties.
The most pressing issue in our relationship is a child.
My husband made him a mean of influence on me because the biggest fear of any mother is to lose her child. Later I was able to take my son from him and even send him a couple of times to see his father. But every time my spouse did everything not to give him back.
Husband’s words “you are under Allah’s anger” put pressure on me, I tried to solve everything in an intelligent way through my vali. But I didn’t see any support from him either. Eventually, my vali refused me. My dearest person told me he never wanted to see me again. We haven’t seen each other for a long time then. SubhanAllah how hurt I was!
Not because all of this happened to me, I understood that it was predetermined and it was the way it should be.
I was hurt by the fact that my sublime and pure idea of Muslims has collapsed and sank into the abyss!
I thought if a person is religious, it will certainly affect his behavior and attitude towards other people. But facing reality I saw a different picture.
Imam we contacted to solve our situation just left us halfway telling he is not going to deal with this issue.
Where should I go? Who should I ask for help? Whereas he is the most authoritative imam of our community.
I asked for hul. I studied this issue, I had every reason from the point of view of the sharia to ask for it. But there was none to testify it. Imams, hafiza and knowing brothers refused to do it.
No one wanted to be responsible for our divorce. And they didn’t care that I was, in fact, disobeying my husband for months because I didn’t come back to him. And they didn’t care that I had actually all the reasons to divorce my husband.
Sisters I knew called me just to gossip. To uncover the most painful wound, to find out all of the secrets. And to tell me he is looking for a new wife.
How could this happen?!
AlhamduliLlah, one hazrat by the initiative of my husband agreed to meet us and after listening to both sides he decided that there are very many reasons for divorce and testified my hul. I am free.
How many months passed before I could get this freedom. Sedatives were my living. I lived in fear. I was afraid he could harm us. I was afraid I was going to lose my child.
There is no financial help from my ex-husband and his family and there will not be any. As if our child doesn’t need any food, clothes, medicines, toys.
There is no help from vali either. My father died a long time ago.
I met every trial with the words “AlhamduliLlah”, but I did not expect to meet such a “backward” reaction from the jamaat. I was not ready to accept it. Now I continue praying namaz. But something is broken inside of me”.